one selected Robert: Welcome to Living the Could Life. Today we are discussing the two definitions of could and how it applies to adaptation. I’m Robert. Theresa: And I’m Theresa. In linguistics and behavioral psychology, there’s a well-documented distinction between the two ways could is used. It essentially comes down to modal strength, which we will call possibility, and the direction of the focus, which we will call agency. This takes me back to many years ago when I studied linguistics and actually Robert and I were in the same class. Robert also continued on with linguistics. Robert: Yes, I did. I actually minored in linguistics with a specialty in algebraic linguistics. But back to the topic at hand. There’s a moment in every reinvention when you realize you’re not trying to go back anymore. You’re trying to go forward. And that shift doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in small, meaningful increments. Theresa: Today we’re talking about how all those pieces come together. Through the way our brains store meaning, through the way we adapt over time, and through the power of one small word, could. Robert: We’re bringing in some ideas that help explain why could works so well. That’s the fuzzy trace theory. How we remember the meaning of things, not the details. We’ll get to that a little bit later. Theresa: Okay, so we are now going to discuss the two different coulds. And we’ll be talking a lot about the two different versions of could. There’s the polite, hesitant could. The one that avoids commitment. And then there’s the possibility could. The one that opens a door. Robert: The possibility could is the one that helps us rebuild after life changes. It’s the one that says, I could try this, instead of I should be able to do this. Research, particularly in the fields of neurolinguistics and cognitive psychology, categorizes these coulds as follows. First, the possibility could. The suggestion. It highlights that an option exists in the external world, but doesn’t necessarily link it to the person’s internal drive. The research on linguistic hedging shows that this type of could creates a mental safety net, because it implies something might not happen as much as it might. The brain processes it as a hypothetical or a gist. The effect is excellent for brainstorming or reducing pressure. If you tell someone, we could try this, it lowers their threat response, because it feels like a low stakes choice, rather than a command. This polite, past, softened could is the could people already know. What it does, it softens a request. Could you pass the salt? Makes a suggestion without pressure. You could try this route. Describes past ability. I could run five miles when I was younger. It frames a hypothetical. We could go if the weather clears. Its emotional tone is gentle, noncommittal, optional, often used to avoid imposing. This is a could that feels small, polite, nostalgic. The one that makes people think could is passive or uncertain. Theresa: Then there is the forward-looking, agency-restoring could. This is the could that is reclaiming. The one that describes a present or future possibility. What does this could do? It opens the door to what’s still possible. You could rebuild. You could try again. It signals potential, not pressure. Life could look different from here. And it creates space for adaptation. You could become someone new. It also acknowledges limits while still offering direction. You could do this at your own pace. Its emotional tone is expansive. It’s future-facing. It’s permission-giving. And it’s grounded in reality, not fantasy. This is the could that aligns with disability, adaptation, reinvention, and emotional honesty. It’s not about politeness. It’s about possibility. Robert: Let’s compare the suggestion versus the action. The could, as suggestion, implies hedging or possibility. Theresa: Whereas, the action could implies ability or agency. Robert: As suggestion, I’m thinking this is one option among many. Theresa: And as action, I can say I am capable of this. Robert: The psychological state of suggestion is curiosity or exploration. Theresa: And the action could, its psychological state is competence and mastery. Robert: So, the best usage of suggestion is pitching ideas and brainstorming. Theresa: Whereas, the best usage of action is motivating a team or building confidence. Okay, let’s talk about fuzzy trace theory. Something new that we learned for this episode is the fuzzy trace theory, not to be confused with the fuzzy face theory. Robert: Like my fuzzy face. Theresa: Exactly. I guess we took psychology far too long ago. But what fuzzy trace theory is, and it’s also known as FTT, it’s a dual-process model suggesting that we form two parallel types of mental representations for any given event. There are verbatim traces, which correlates to exact details, and then there are gist traces, which correlate to the bottom line meeting. Robert: And here’s the part that matters for adaptation. We make decisions based on the gist, not the details. You don’t need to remember every step of a past experience. You remember what it meant, and that meaning shapes what you believe you could do next. Theresa: Let’s explore that. Research shows that as we age, our brains naturally move away from verbatim details and more towards gist. That type of reasoning isn’t a decline, it’s an upgrade to wisdom. And maybe that’s why they say, you know, the wise old woman, and you get wiser as you get older. When you stop worrying about verbatim shoulds of your challenges and start living in the gist coulds of your spirit and of the future, you’re literally using your brain the way it was designed to be used in this season of life. Robert: As Theresa mentioned, humans store two kinds of memory, verbatim, the exact details, the gist, the meaning, the emotional truth, the takeaway. Why does this matter for adaptation? Gist drives decisions, not details. People change when the meaning of something shifts, not when they memorize steps. Could is a gist word. It signals possibility, permission, and identity. The could life is a gist-level life. I could be someone who travels differently now. I could rebuild at my own pace and in a way that is safe for me. Theresa: And here’s an example of fuzzy trace theory. I keep wanting to say fuzzy face. Consider a medical scenario where a patient is told that they have a 22.2% risk of a complication after surgery. The verbatim trace is the exact number of 22.2%, and the specific conditions mentioned by the doctor. In the gist trace, the patient’s interpretation of that number, such as the risk is high, or it’s unlikely to happen to me, or it’s low. For the outcome, even if the patient remembers the exact number, the verbatim trace, their actual decision, which is whether to have surgery or not, is typically driven by the fuzzy gist that they extract at the bottom line meaning, rather than the precise statistic. Robert: In the context of fuzzy trace theory, the word could often signifies a categorical gist. Representation regarding risk. As categorical thinking, FTT suggests that mature decision makers often simplify complex probabilities into a yes, no, or presence, absence, categorical gist. In risk evaluation, phrases like, I could get shingles, or this could save my life, represent the extraction of a bottom line possibility from precise data. What’s the decision impact? By focusing on the categorical possibility, the fact that a bad outcome could happen, people are more likely to adopt protective behaviors, like getting vaccinated or wearing masks. Then if they focus on the verbatim low percentage, there’s only a 0.5% chance of this happening, which might lead them to take the risk. Theresa: So how can we rewrite the gist? When you use could, you’re not just changing your behavior, you’re changing the meaning of the behavior. You are shifting the gist from a threat to possibility. From I can’t do what I used to, to maybe I could do this differently now. Robert: And that’s where identity starts to soften and open. You’re not forcing yourself back into the old version of you, you’re letting a new version emerge. Theresa: Don’t laugh, or you may if you want, but I subscribed to the Arnold Schwarzenegger Pump Club newsletter. When I saw a promotion for it, saying that it was the positive corner of the internet, I thought it would be a great alternative to, uh, well, my doom scrolling. So I was researching the two definitions of could. I got the newsletter with an article. It really complimented what I had found doing the other research. This one, written by Adam Bornstein, who’s a contributor to the Pump Club newsletter, wrote, fall in love with what if. And that grabbed my attention because to me, what if and could are pretty much the same word. He addressed how what if can be a weapon against ourselves. What if I didn’t have this condition? What if I were more disciplined? He states that those questions don’t create possibility, but rather they create paralysis. And we’re all familiar with that term paralysis by analysis that can just get us stuck. He suggests that these questions anchor you in the past. And the past no longer exists for you or your current state. He posits that people who reinvent themselves don’t work harder than anybody else, but they just ask different questions. For them, the future is a blank canvas that they themselves can manipulate. And that certainly is not ignoring your past and where you’ve been. You just can’t change that because it’s the past. He made several suggestions starting with what if, which I have changed to could. Could I build in more support this time? Could I design for hard days instead of just hoping that those hard days don’t come? And that’s when I really liked. Could the version of me that succeeds look different than the version that I’ve been trying to recreate? All of this applies to the two types of could. Next episode, we will have ideas for making changes that will help you travel more confidently and safely. Oddly enough, the newsletter I read today just addressed this misconception that it will take 21 days to make a change. Our next episode will cover a 70-day plan for change. I’ll add some show notes so you can have a link to the Pump Club newsletter. It does have some informational topics that can apply to more than weightlifting or bodybuilding. We’ll be right back. Robert: This is where we bring it home. Travel, routines, energy, capacity, all the places where life changes and we have to adapt if we still wish to travel. Robert: Now we’re going to connect eight examples of coulds to gist reasoning. One of our friends has Parkinson’s. The verbatim for her is the tremor. The gist is her intention to move. She could celebrate her intention. Theresa: And she does a great job in her community. There is a Parkinson’s support group and she says everybody is at different stages, but she goes almost every day so that she can improve her movement. I have utilized some of the things she used at Parkinson’s. For example, Parkinson’s can cause tripping and S can low vision. For me, it’s because I don’t see. But she said to prevent falling, they learned in their classes that a march-like walk prevents tripping over high sidewalks or other obstacles. So that’s something I’ve been using. Then there’s vision loss. The verbatim is blurred vision. The gist is the knowledge as far as vision loss is blurriness and shadows. The gist is the knowledge that those shadows represent something. And I could see the knowledge through the sound of the voices. I have embarrassingly gone up to women and Robert has a beard and wears glasses. I was on a cruise and went up to a woman. I was waiting for Robert. I was going to meet him. And when I got really close, it’s like, oh, and I did not say, I thought you were my husband. Then there’s gallbladder. I just shared that story. The verbatim is the restricted ingredient list. And that’s for any kind of gut health, gallbladder issues, IBS, celiac, whatever you might have. The gist is the state of being comfortable. And then you could prioritize feeling at ease with the choices you make. Robert: I’ve been experiencing significant fatigue. And the verbatim is the hours that I spend resting. The gist is the recovery my body needs. I could see the rest as a productive choice. I should not see it as a lack of productivity. And I do look forward to my afternoon naps. Theresa: So mobility and many of these other body issues affect mobility. The verbatim, as far as travel is concerned, is the distance traveled. The gist is the experience of the environment. You could notice other details like the art in a museum or the air and the light. Robert: Memory loss is another. The verbatim is the forgotten name. The gist is the relationship with that person. You could lead with the emotion of seeing them. I’ve been physically active much more since retiring from teaching. And chronic pain is something that I’ve been experiencing. Not debilitating, but annoying and sometimes limiting. The verbatim is the pain scale number. The gist is my resilience in spite of it. I could acknowledge my own strength. Theresa: And then there’s hearing. The verbatim is missed syllables. The gist is the presence of the conversation or the people you’re conversing with. You could focus on the body language of others and the vibe of the room. Robert: Research shows that as we age, our brains naturally move away from verbatim details and towards gist reasoning. This isn’t a decline. It’s an upgrade to wisdom. When you stop worrying about the verbatim shoulds of your disease and start living in the gist coulds of your spirit, you are literally using your brain the way it was designed to be used in this season of life. Theresa: So fuzzy trace theory tells us that our wisdom lives in the gist. We will add a bottom line audit in the show notes. There you can audit one challenging moment that you face and we’ll separate the verbatim stress from the gist. Okay, now just for a summary of the could strategy. For older adults, using could helps simplify complex medical data into actionable choices. Verbatim, that is the facts. The flight’s eight hours. My hips 90% yield. There’s a 20% chance of a flare-up. The gist, the could part, I could get stuck in a seat. I could get hurt. I could be embarrassed. By acknowledging what could happen, they can choose travel options that provide a categorical yes to safety and support, ensuring the trip remains meaningful rather than stressful. You don’t have to be who you were. You get to be who you could be. Robert: And you’re not starting over. You’re starting from experience. Theresa: And that’s the whole point. Could is not pressure. It’s possibility. Remember the little engine that could? Robert: Thanks for joining us today. We hope you leave with one small thing you could try and not to prove anything, but to explore what’s possible. Theresa: Next time we will discuss the 70-day journey and how that all works so that you can make changes. Robert and Theresa: This is Living the Could Life.